3.2--Plot Summary

A. Here’s the problem:
Instead of stating ideas and illustrating them with examples and relevant passages from the text, sometimes you get careless and write several sentences re-telling a part of the story or novel, perhaps making a half-hearted attempt at the end of the summary to draw an inference (“this shows. . .”). Sorry, but that’s a no-no.
B. What to do:
Select the entire section of summary, delete it, and decide what point you want to make. Then begin by stating the point; after that, find one clear example or passage to illustrate what you’ve just said and give only that example.

C. Example: After Jane Bennet visits Mr. Bingley at Netherfield, she becomes ill. Elizabeth elects to go to Netherfield to care for her older sister. Since Elizabeth dislikes riding horses, she is forced to walk three miles in the rain to Netherfield. When she arrives at Mr. Bingley’s house, Mr. Bingley’s sisters are shocked and dismayed by her appearance. She arrived alone, with dirty stockings and petticoat and a flushed complexion.

Corrected Version: Austen shows us how often characters are judged falsely, according to narrow-minded standards. When Elizabeth walks across three miles of muddy fields to see her ill sister, Bingley’s sisters comment archly about her appearance. Only Mr. Bingley is impressed by Elizabeth’s concern for Jane’s health.

D. Now you try—write an improved version of the following passage.
1. Darcy feels that he cannot live without Elizabeth’s love, telling her that “my feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.” Elizabeth could see that “he had no doubt of a favourable answer,” as he proposed to her. Darcy, unaware of the bottled up anger which Elizabeth possess towards him, was shocked by Elizabeth’s response. Elizabeth not only declined the offer, but expressed her reasons for doing so. Darcy’s “astonishment was obvious,” and he apologized for wasting her time. The following morning, Darcy presents Elizabeth with a letter explaining his reasons for preventing the wedding between Bingley and Elizabeth’s sister. . . yadda yadda yadda.

3.3--Unified Focus

A. Here’s the problem:
Occasionally I read paragraphs that leave one promising idea behind to move to another without finishing the first. Paragraphs like this frustrate me; I feel as though a rug has been pulled from under my feet. Usually, I don’t think the writer is even aware of what has happened. The second idea occurred to the writer in the course of explaining the first and neither at the time of drafting nor during revision did the writer notice that the material should be presented in different paragraphs.

B. What to do:
Outlining either before or after writing the draft can help identify paragraphs that move from one focus to another. Also, the stronger and more specific the topic sentence, the less likely the problem will occur. If you discover during revision a paragraph that goes in two directions at once, separate it in two and look at each to see if its main idea is sufficiently developed.

C. Example: Elizabeth goes to the Netherfield Ball with the expressed purpose of finding Mr. Wickham, but instead she encounters Mr. Darcy. Elizabeth’s displeasure with Darcy “is sharpened by the immediate disappointment” of Wickham’s absence. . .Initially Elizabeth is polite to Darcy and effectively uses roles of social formality . . .to limit the extent of conversation between the two of them. Eventually. . . tension between Darcy and Elizabeth ensues until Sir William interrupts them. . .Elizabeth’s abrasive encounter with Darcy demonstrates the strength in Elizabeth to defy men that manifests itself when Mr. Collins proposes to her. Elizabeth’s sense of pride and her exercise of prejudice contrast her with Charlotte who accepts Mr. Collins’ proposal, an acceptance that Elizabeth sees as self-degrading to Charlotte. The difference between Elizabeth and Charlotte is in their ideals. (also see 3.1, 3.2 & 3.7)

Improved version: (to be done as in-class exercise)
1. What are the problems of focus in this paragraph?
2. How could the focus be improved?
3. What is the main idea of the paragraph?
4. If you were the peer editor of the essay what would you suggest (short of scrapping the paragraph)?
5. What two topic sentences might be used if the paragraph were to be split in two?

D. Now you try—answer the questions above with regard to the following passage.
In the beginning of The Age of Innocence, Archer is thoroughly concerned with matters of “taste” and “form.” He criticizes Ellen for her untimely arrival and her “foreign” conduct. . .Yet early on. . .he boldly states, “I’m sick of the hypocrisy that would bury alive a woman of her age if her husband prefers to live with harlots.” This hypocrisy is central to the theme of the novel. Wharton shows it in two affairs, Archer’s with Mrs. Rushworth and Madame Olenska with the secretary. In both cases, the blame clearly falls on the woman, not on the man. Archer sees that marriages were becoming nothing but a “dull association of material and social interests held together by ignorance on the one side and hypocrisy on the other.” He sees this hypocrisy in May, his wife. She is a woman caught in the steadfast conventions of society. Archer sees her as a “terrifying product of the social system he belonged to and believed in, the young girl who knew nothing and expected everything.” Archer later recognizes her as “generous, faithful unwearied; but so lacking in imagination, so incapable of growth, that the world of her youth had fallen into pieces and rebuilt itself without her ever being conscious of the change.” Society had molded her, and had created a product that would put back into society what it had taken out.

3.4--Transitions I: Coherence

A. Here’s the problem:
Too often writers of the papers I read move from one point to another within a paragraph without fully indicating the relationship between the sentences. Omissions of this sort affect the coherence of the paragraph, its ability to present ideas that are fully connected to each other and whose relationships are clear.

B. What to do:
There are three basic methods of achieving greater coherence in a paragraph. One is to make certain that the ideas presented within the paragraph are given in some sort of logical sequence: chronological, spatial, order of importance, or cause and effect. Second, reinforce key concepts by repeating key words meaningfully, the opposite of the weak repetition we looked at in 2.1. Third, and most important for our purposes here, make certain you use transitional words and expressions to connect sentences and show relationships between the parts of a paragraph.

C. Example: At the same time as the reader, Elizabeth is conscious of Darcy’s feelings for her. Contempt for Mr. Darcy is furthered later in the novel when he reveals his feelings toward Elizabeth and asks her to marry him.

Corrected Version: At the same time as the reader, Elizabeth is conscious of Darcy’s feelings for her. However, her contempt for Mr. Darcy is furthered when he reveals his feelings toward Elizabeth and asks her to marry him.

D. Now you try—write a corrected version of the following sentence.
1. When Elizabeth learns why Darcy detests Wickham, she begins to rethink her thoughts on Darcy. She is beginning to see the wrongs she has inflicted upon Darcy. A good example of Elizabeth’s last denial of loving Darcy is in the scene between her and Lady Catherine.

3.5--Paragraph Development

A. Here’s the problem:
I see underdeveloped paragraphs arising from two causes. First, you may find yourself short of time, and as a result you have to get the revised draft of your essay to me even though you have a game and another test to study for. More often, however, I think you don’t see the potential of the ideas in your papers and therefore don’t explore them fully.

B. What to do:
Ask yourself in each paragraph whether the most important ideas can be taken further, whether you can explain more completely or give an example which will make your argument more convincing. In particular, avoid very short paragraphs in the middle of an essay, except as transitional paragraphs.

C. Example: Ironically, as much as Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth seem different and incompatible, their characters truly are alike. Both characters are strong-willed individuals who are un-afraid to express their feelings. They are able to communicate their true beliefs which leads to a better understanding of faults in their personalities.

Corrected Version: Ironically, as much as Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth seem incompatible, their personalities are more similar than they realize. Both are strong-willed, unafraid to express their feelings. Elizabeth defies Lady Catherine’s bullying, while Darcy uses his influence with Bingley to dissuade him from proposing to Jane. Also, they cause each other to honestly examine their own faults. Elizabeth realizes that she had been blinded by prejudice while Darcy understands why his manners had so deeply offended Elizabeth.

D. Now you try—write an improved version of the following paragraph.
1. Of Mr. Darcy, one character comments that “the world is too blinded by his fortune and consequence, or frightened by his high and imposing manners, and sees him only as he chuses to be seen.” Darcy’s pride and often imposing manners toward the Bennet are less a reflection of what society dictates of him than his own personal inclinations.

3.6--Evidence

A. Here’s the problem:
In a courtroom, you can't win your case without a sufficient amount of compelling evidence. Likewise, you may make potentially thoughtful, even important statements about characters, themes, images, or scenes in literature, but you can't convince me if I don’t know what led you to make that statement. The interpretation is there but not the supporting evidence. Occasionally, evidence is given, but it does not match or support the idea it is attached to.

B. What to do:
Evidence, which I will also refer to as concrete detail, generally takes two forms in an expository paragraph. If you have a sentence or two from the text which illustrate the point you want to make, quote the passage verbatim. On the other hand, if your example is an entire scene, write a sentence or phrase briefly establishing the connection between your idea and the relevant action or scene.

C. Example: I was immediately attracted to Darcy early on because of his distinct distaste for the stupidity of high society’s traditions, and his want to separate himself from that which he found useless. I also believe Darcy was more clever than merely shy because . . .

Corrected Version: I was immediately attracted to Darcy early on because of his distinct distaste for the stupidity of high society’s traditions, and his want to separate himself from that which he found useless. His standing apart at the Netherfield Ball and his distaste for the insipid chatter of Mrs. Bennet and Lady Lucas reveal good judgment as much as pride. I also believe Darcy was more clever than merely shy because . . .

D. Now you try—write a revised version of the following passage.
1. The marriage of Charlotte to Mr. Collins is established on false pretenses. Charlotte weds Mr. Collins for his prominent social status and remarkable wealth. She convinces herself that she is in love with the dimwitted Collins. Charlotte is entranced by her new lifestyle and social position, and is thus blind to Collins’ undesirable qualities. “Mr. Collins was not a sensible man, and the deficiency of nature had been but little assisted by education or society.”
E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/examples.htm

3.7 Commentary I

A. Here’s the problem:
This is the second of my big three lessons—eliminating clutter (2.7-2.9) was the first, you may recall. Commentary is contained in those sentences, integrated into each paragraph of a paper, which explain, interpret, or draw conclusions from the text. The quality of your commentary is crucial. It shows you’ve gone beyond cutting and pasting quotations and examples together from the text. It shows you’ve thought hard about the significance of the evidence you cite. It shows you’ve drawn logical conclusions that deepen the presentation of your central argument. Appropriate commentary reveals, perhaps more than any other element in your writing, the level of your thinking.

B. What to do:
Start by looking at sample paragraphs from papers you wrote last year. Analyze how much commentary you find, especially compared to the amount of quotation, plot summary, and transitional statements. A basic way to improve your skills at commentary is to make interpretive statements before and after each example or quotation. That way, the significance of your evidence becomes clearer and stronger.. Look at the example below for illustrations.

C. Example: Wharton shows her reader exactly how New York exerts control over its inhabitants. To accomplish this, Wharton describes New York’s cosmos in exquisite detail: “In reality they all lived in a hieroglyphic world, where the real thing was never said or done or even thought, but only represented by a set of arbitrary signs; as when Mrs. Welland, who knew exactly why Archer had pressed her to announce her daughter’s engagement at the Beaufort ball (and had indeed expected him to do no less), yet felt obliged to simulate reluctance, and the air of having her hand forced. . .” The entire novel continues with explanations just as vivid and expressive that are meant to show the reader how the habits and formalities of Newland’s society affect him and his unhappiness.

Improved Version: Wharton shows her reader the emotional repression which characterizes New York social life. “In reality they all lived in a hieroglyphic world, where the real thing was never said or done or even thought, but only represented by a set of arbitrary signs; as when Mrs. Welland, who knew exactly why Archer had pressed her to announce her daughter’s engagement at the Beaufort ball (and had indeed expected him to do no less), yet felt obliged to simulate reluctance, and the air of having her hand forced. . .” No real emotion is ever openly expressed, merely hinted at indirectly so that it can be understood and responded to without being acknowledged. As a result, this socially prescribed, highly symbolic behavior stifles the characters’ emotional lives, gradually makes them dishonest, and eventually strips them of their essential humanity.

D. Now you try—write an improved version of one of the following passages.
1. When Mrs. Bennet first hears Mr. Collins’ name, she starts ranting and raving about how she never wants to hear that name because he will only want to take the house and riches when Mr. Bennet has passed on. She is afraid of what will happen to her and being upset says, “Oh! My dear . . .I cannot bear to hear that mentioned. Pray do not talk of that odious man. I do think he is [sic] the hardest thing in the world, that your estate should be entitled [sic] away from you [sic] own children; and I am sure if I had been you, I should have tried long ago to do something or other about it.” Then when she hears of him coming to visit, she becomes even more distraught. Even while he had been staying with them, she only wanted him to leave, until she heard the magic word, marriage.
2. Mr. Collins has no social standing, other than his priesthood. However, this man imagines himself to be on the top of the social ladder. He arrogantly proposes marriage to Elizabeth by establishing that he is the best clergyman, he will make her happy, and he is the patron of a noble lady [sic]. He listens not to a single word Elizabeth has to say, and she does not wish to marry Mr. Collins at all. She is not attracted to him in any way, but Mr. Collins cannot accept her refusal. Arrogantly Mr. Collins assumes Elizabeth will come around to her senses and agree to marry him. Elizabeth makes it very clear that she will not marry him,

E. I also think you need to see positive models of key writing skills. This passage contains strong commentary leading up to a key quotation:

The contrast between the reflective Ishmael and the forceful Ahab dominates the story. Ishmael’s thought drives him to look beyond the world of appearances; he wants to see and to understand everything. Ahab’s drive is to prove, not to discover. He seeks to dominate nature, to impose and to inflict his will on the outside world—whether it be the crew that must jump to his orders or the great white whale that is essentially indifferent to him. As Ishmael is all rumination, so Ahab is all will. Both are thinkers. The difference between the two is that Ishmael is a passive thinker, a bystander who recognizes that he is insignificant in the eyes of Nature. Ahab, by contrast, actively seeks the whale in order to assert man’s supremacy over that unknown force which tries to overpower him: “[The whale] tasks me, he heaps me; I see in him outrageous strength, with an inscrutable malice sinewing it. That inscrutable thing is chiefly what I hate, and be the white whale agent, or be the white whale principal, I will wreak that hate upon him. Talk not to me of blasphemy, man; I’d strike the sun if it insulted me.”

3.8 Commentary II

A. Here’s the problem:

Jane Shaffer, the teacher from whom I learned the term commentary, defines it as “your comments or opinion about something: not concrete detail. Synonyms include opinion, insight, analysis, interpretation, inference, personal response, feelings, evaluation, explication, and reflection.” As we’ve already seen from the examples on worksheet 3.7, occasionally I receive papers that don’t contain enough commentary relative to the amount of plot summary, quotation, and other forms of concrete detail (evidence) from a literary text.

B. What to do:
Look especially at the body paragraphs in your essay. Ask yourself—and your editing partner—some tough questions:
• Have I included appropriate commentary in addition to evidence from the text?
• Is my commentary phrased in vague general terms or does it draw specific inferences from the examples I use?
• Where could I either add useful commentary or replace vague statements with more specific commentary?
• What is the balance between commentary and textual evidence in the paragraph? Keep in mind this important principle: in order for your paragraphs to show depth of thought, the balance should favor commentary over evidence. A five-line quotation, for example, deserves more than five lines of commentary.

C. Exercise I—How could the following passage be improved either by adding commentary or by making existing commentary more specific?
Austen portrays “proper” behavior in a humorous light. Although she shows the significance of these prim standards, she does not portray them as life-dictating matters. Austen uses foil characters to compare the appropriate behavior of Jane and Elizabeth with the socially embarrassing actions of Mrs. Bennet and Lydia. On many occasions, Elizabeth is terribly ashamed of her mother’s imprudence. She pleads with her mother to speak more quietly; however, “her mother would talk of her views in the same intelligible tone. Elizabeth blushed and blushed again with shame and vexation.” The Bennet women create such a scene, that Miss Bingley attempts to attack them when she speaks to Darcy.

D. Exercise II— Consider the following passage. Is its commentary general or specific? Is there a reasonable balance between evidence and commentary?

Ahab cannot let go of his monomaniacal notion that somehow the whale acted against him with malicious intent, that vengeful exactitude must be brought upon the white whale. He is given one final opportunity to leave his quest, to accept his fate and to return within his own realm. Starbuck’s appeal upon seeing the whale swimming away from Ahab’s boat presented Ahab’s choice: “Oh! Ahab!. . . not too late is it, even now, the third day, to desist. See! Moby Dick sees thee not. It is thou, thou, that madly seekest him!” But Ahab can never accept this reality, and this in the end is the essence of his character. His fate can be seen as meaningless, his quest arrogant and ultimately futile, but the dedication with which he pursues the impossible seems to give him the nobler quality that all men strive to attain. “Great hearts sometimes condense to one deep pang, the sum total of these shallow pangs kindly diffused through feebler men’s whole lives. And so, such hearts . . .if the gods decree it, in their life-time aggregate a whole age of woe, wholly made up of instantaneous intensities; for even in their pointless centres, those noble natures contain the entire circumference of inferior souls.”

3.9 Clinchers

A. Here’s the problem:

Since the paragraph is the main unit by which your argument advances and becomes more detailed and more convincing, ending a paragraph without a strong concluding sentence weakens the overall effect and undermines the strength of your ideas. A paragraph without a strong clincher is an indication of fuzzy thinking, a dead give-away that the writer hasn’t fully clarified in his or her own mind the point the paragraph needs to make.

B. What to do:
Think of the concluding sentence in a paragraph as a special type of commentary, your chance to end on a strong note by stating the key interpretive point the paragraph has led up to. Spend a minute or two during drafting thinking about the strongest conclusion your evidence will support. Spend another minute or two re-evaluating those same sentences during revision. Sometimes you’ll realize that you now understand the point you’re trying to make better than you did when you wrote the first draft.

C. Example: Wickham has no desire to ultimately marry Lydia. Lydia’s father even says “I mean no man in his senses would marry Lydia on so slight a temptation as one hundred a year during my life and fifty after I am gone.” Accordingly, in order to save the Bennets some shame, Mr. Darcy gives Wickham some extra money (to act as the dowry the Bennets cannot afford) to marry Lydia. The marriage is based on money, and not love.

Corrected Version: The Lydia-Wickham marriage is based on money, not love. Wickham has no intention of marrying a girl as poor and foolish as Lydia. Lydia’s father even says “I mean no man in his senses would marry Lydia on so slight a temptation as one hundred a year during my life and fifty after I am gone.” The family’s reputation is only saved when Darcy’s money (replacing the dowry the Bennets cannot afford) induces Wickham to marry Lydia. By contrasting the greed, foolishness, and dishonor of this match with the more rational attachment and genuine affection between Elizabeth and Darcy and between Jane and Bingley, Austen reinforces her dual theme of marriage, providing examples of what a marriage should not be as well as what it should.

D. Now you try—write stronger endings for the following paragraphs.

1. Although Elizabeth severely misjudges Darcy’s character, her willingness to ultimately realize and accept her mistakes illustrates her strong character. After she blatantly rejects Mr. Darcy’s first marriage proposal and accuses him of many wrongdoings, it seems as though she will never again reconsider his worthiness even as a friend. However, when Mr. Darcy writes her a letter pleading his case, she reads with an open mind, and ultimately realizes that she has been “blind, partial, prejudiced, and absurd.”

2. In some respects, this ending and change of opinion is somewhat romantic, and fitting to the novel. Elizabeth offers everything on a superficial level that Darcy does not have, therefore fitting him very well. Both characters have the same feelings towards each other, both are misunderstood by society, and both are judged by their appearance. Elizabeth serves as Darcy’s foil, yet the reader almost expects them to fall in love. This is because Darcy’s personality contrasts Elizabeth’s in such a way that they fit perfectly together like pieces in a puzzle.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
http://www.learnline.ntu.edu.au/studyskills/wr/wr_pa_cs.html

AP--Short story presentations

You have three responsibilities with your assigned story. Feel free to consult with me on any of these responsibilities a day or two before your presentation.

1. Introduce your story. Do not under any circumstances summarize the plot or read us the author introduction from the textbook, but give the class any important background information you have gleaned by googling the story or its author. A key fact or two about the author’s background, relevant circumstances of the story’s composition or its literary reputation—these can be useful to the class in placing the story in appropriate context. Keep this portion brief—a minute or two.

2. Post your essay on the story to your blog and read what you have written. Also, print one hard copy to give to me and submit electronically to turnitin.com (Assignment: Short story presentation). Your topic may be any aspect of the story’s technique, style, or meaning. Suggested length is 600 to 800 words. We will follow your reading with a brief round of commendations and questions from the class.

3. Lead a discussion of the story in the time remaining. One excellent way to begin a group discussion is to ask a question to which you don’t have a complete answer yourself, something important about the story you’re still trying to figure out. If you’re not sure whether the main character made the right decision, ask the class. If there’s a scene whose meaning is ambiguous or whose significance is unclear, ask the class.

For stories other than your assigned story, you have these responsibilities:

1. Read the story before coming to class that day.

2. Contribute to the discussion, either by offering a commendation or question to the writer of that day’s paper or by contributing your comments during the open discussion the second half of the period.

3. Post an entry to your blog once a week. You may write one longer entry on an individual story or post an entry made up of several shorter pieces on a number of stories for that week. Entries may be written prior to class, containing your reader responses to that day’s story or be written after class, developing and elaborating on an issue raised during discussion. No rehashes, please.

4. (Optional, but strongly encouraged): Post a comment on the blog of each day’s presenter.

Introduction to Tragedy

Read this brief list of key points about tragedy, taken from a variety of print sources. Then click here for an on-line resource from the Classics Technology Center on the same topic. Read the Introduction page and come to class with questions and comments. We will use part of this site as we read Oedipus the King and Antigone over the next two weeks.

• A tragic character is one who is usually highly renowned and prosperous, who comes to misfortune because of some weakness or error in judgment (hamartia). This error has several possible sources: a miscalculation or misunderstanding, a lack of knowledge, ignorance of family relationships, or hubris.
• Because of this error, or “tragic flaw,” the tragic characters isolate and destroy themselves. Because they possess many fundamentally virtuous qualities, their destruction is a waste of potential good. Yet in dying they triumph over the madness and darkness within themselves and gain a degree of insight into their dilemma.
• Even if the hero is subject to the relentless, inexorable qualities of human fatality, the downfall is the result of choice, not the result of pure accident or villainy or some overriding malignant force. Accident, villainy, or fate may contribute to the downfall but only as cooperating agents.
• Aristotle identifies an important tragic moment (anagnorisis), the recognition or discovery, a revelation of some fact not known before or some person’s true identity. Modern critics have taken the term to mean the terrible enlightenment that accompanies such a recognition. “To see things plain—that is anagnorisis. It is what tragedy ultimately is about: the realization of the unthinkable.”
• According to Aristotle, the audience pities the central character and fears being in the same predicament. In the end, we feel purged of these emotions (catharsis) and learn something from these incidents, since their larger, universal significance is clear.
• In the end the tragic character is fallen in worldly state but uplifted in moral dignity. With the fall of the hero and his gain in wisdom or self-knowledge, there is, besides the appalling sense of human waste, a fresh recognition of human greatness, a sense that human life has unrealized potentialities. Both the hero and the audience gain understanding from his defeat.
• “I believe the writers who get the most lasting response from readers are the writers who offer a happy ending through moral development. By a happy ending, I do not mean mere fortunate events—a marriage or last-minute rescue from death—but some kind of spiritual reassessment or moral reconciliation, even with the self, even at death.”--British novelist Fay Weldon

N.B. Some of the above sentences are taken verbatim from their sources; others are slightly paraphrased. All the ideas are borrowed from the following sources:
The World of Tragedy, John Kimmey and Ashley Brown
Perrine’s Literature, Thomas Arp
Literature: An Introduction to Fiction, Poetry, and Drama, X.J. Kenney and Dana Gioia
Tragedy, Clifford Leech
Poetics, Aristotle

AP October novel list

Select one of the following novels and write an essay exploring one aspect of the novel’s meaning.

Jane Austen (Persuasion, Emma, Sense and Sensibility)
Charlotte Bronte (Jane Eyre)
Emily Bronte (Wuthering Heights)
Daniel Defoe (Moll Flanders, Robinson Crusoe)
Charles Dickens (A Tale of Two Cities)
Fyodor Dostoevski (Crime and Punishment)
George Eliot (Silas Marner)
Henry Fielding (Joseph Andrews)
Gustave Flaubert (Madame Bovary)
Thomas Hardy (The Mayor of Casterbridge, Tess of the
D’Urbervilles, Return of the Native)
Henry James (Washington Square)
James Joyce (A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man)
Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina)
Anthony Trollope (Barchester Towers)
Mark Twain (A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court)
Oscar Wilde (Picture of Dorian Gray)
Virginia Woolf (Mrs. Dalloway)

Essay Assignment (Due Wednesday, October 17):

Write an essay of approximately 1000—1200 words developing in some detail a topic central to the novel you have read. Refer frequently and specifically to the novel as you develop your topic. Listed below are several options, but you may see me for approval of other approaches if you wish.

1. The author’s presentation of a central character—how does the character grow or develop during the course of the novel and how is that development central to the novel’s meaning?
2. How does the author identify and develop the central conflict of the novel? How is it related to the novel’s meaning?
3. What social theme or issue is central to understanding the characters’ dilemmas or fates? How does the novel persuade us to share the author’s implied views regarding this issue?
4. Examine a key scene or incident from the novel. Explain how the scene is significant to our understanding of multiple aspects of the novel: characterization, theme, form, and/or structure.

AP Assignments Sept 10--October 19

Week 3: September 10—14
1: A Rose For Emily (p. 28); Style 1.6
2: Everyday Use (p.443); Style 1.7
3: Teenage Wasteland (p. 35) Style 1.8
4: Interpreter of Maladies (p. 579); Multiple choice quiz 2

Week 4: September 17—21
1: A & P (p. 14); Style 1.9
2: Revelation (p. 368); Style 2.0
3: A Good Man is Hard to Find (p.358); Style 2.1
4: Cathedral (p. 98); Vocab quiz 2 (lessons 4-6)

Week 5: September 24—28
1: A Clean, Well-Lighted Place (p. 156); Style 2.2
2: Harrison Bergeron (p. 220); Style 2.3
3: Battle Royal (p. 526); Style 2.4
4: The Yellow Wallpaper (p. 424); Multiple choice quiz 3

Week 6: October 1—4 (No school Friday)
1: Shiloh (p. 604); Style 2.5
2: Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been (p. 613); Style 2.6
3: The Things They Carried (p. 625)

Week 7: October 9—12—No school Monday (Columbus Day)
1: The Rocking-Horse Winner (p. 593); style 2.7
2: Greasy Lake (p. 129); style 2.8
3: The Five Forty-Eight (p. 503) (section 2 reads "A Worn Path"); vocab quiz 3 (lessons 7-9)

Week 8: October 15—19
1: I Stand Here Ironing (p. 637); Style 2.9
2: Papers due for October novels (1000-1250 wds); style 2.10

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR EMAIL PASSWORD

1. Log in to PCDS webmail: https://webmail.pcds.org

2. Type in username (lastnamefirstinitial) and current password

3. On blue menu on the left side click OPTIONS

4. Scroll down to PASSWORD and click CHANGE PASSWORD

5. Type in your current login (lastnamefirstinitial) and current password

6. Fill out the Internet Service Manager with:

a. Domain-PCDS
b. Account-lastnamefirstinitial
c. Old Password
d. New Password
e. Confirm
f. Okay

Assignments: Weeks 1-4--Eng IV

Note: Assignments are DUE on the day indicated.

Week 1: August 27—31
T. First day—welcome, syllabus, style intro 1.0, blog intro, assignments
W. Set up account with Google Reader (see “how to start a blog,” July 25, 2007); write the letter indicated in the instructions after you establish your blog; Style 1.1; vocabulary intro (bring books)
Th. Discussion of reading and writing; style 1.2
F. Blog entry on selected summer novels

Week 2: September 4—7—No classes Monday (Labor Day)
W. Discussion of selected blog entries on summer novels; Style 1.3
Th. Read introduction to tragedy; style 1.4
F. Essays due in class and to turnitin; Vocab quiz 1 (Lessons 1-3)

Week 3: September 10—14
T. Read Three Theban Plays, pp. 159-187— style 1.5
W. Theban Plays, pp. 188-210; Style 1.6
Th. Theban Plays, pp.211-251; Style 1.7
F. Discussion of Oedipus the King; style 1.8

Week 4: September 17—21
T. Theban Plays 59-90; Style 1.9
W. Theban Plays 91-128; Style 2.0
Th. Further discussion of Antigone; Style 2.1
F. The Death of Ivan Ilyich, read chapters 1-3; Vocab quiz 2 (lessons 4-6)

Writing assignments for summer novels (IV & AP)

English IV & AP
Mr. Coon
August, 2007
Summer writing assignments

Write your responses as entries in your blog or as hard copies, as indicated

For English IV students:

1. Write a personal response piece for the novel you have read (your choice of novel if you read more than one title from my list). Reader response involves more than simply saying whether you enjoyed the novel or not. Ideally you are able to identify specific scenes or factors that shaped your overall response and then discuss briefly why the novel affected you as it did. In other words, what is it about this novel that made you react to it as you did? Due Friday, August 31 as blog entry. Length 400-600 words. No turnitin.
2. Instead of #1 above, select a passage you think is important in some way to the novel as a whole. Type the passage, then in approximately 400-600 words of your own explain your choice. Due Friday, August 31. No turnitin
3. Finally, give some thought to the issue of how writers make their characters seem like recognizable human beings. In your opinion, how do the characters in the novel embody traits that you see as fundamentally human? Focus on one or two of the characters in your novel and discuss what you see as their essential humanity. Include specific examples and brief but relevant quotations from the novel. Due Friday, September 7 as hard copy. 500-700 words. Include turnitin.com receipt number

For AP students:

1. #3 above is due Friday, August 31 as blog entry; length 500-600 words. No turnitin.
2. For Friday, September 7, in 600-800 words, hard copy, discuss one specific literary aspect of Pride and Prejudice. Select a character, a theme, or a key scene and discuss Austen's handling and presentation of that element of the novel. See syllabus, section 4 for further ideas. Or show how the writers of Becoming Jane created a version of Jane Austen’s life that would allow her to write Pride and Prejudice. Turnitin.com.

Assignments: Weeks 1 & 2--AP

Week 1: August 27—31
Day 1: First day—welcome, syllabus, style intro 1.0, blog intro, assignments
Day 2: Set up account with Google Reader (see “how to start a blog,” July 25, 2007); write the letter indicated in the instructions after you establish your blog; Style 1.1; vocabulary intro (bring books)
Day 3: Discussion of reading and writing; Style 1.2
Day 4: Quiz 1—Multiple choice (15 minutes); blog entry on selected summer reading novels

Week 2: September 4—7—No classes Monday (Labor Day)
Day 1: Discussion of recommended summer novels; Style 1.3
Day 2: Discussion of Pride and Prejudice; Style 1.4
Day 3: Short paper due on Pride and Prejudice; vocab quiz 1 (lessons 1-3)

Welcome to Room 311

Dear Seniors,

Welcome to my room and to that part of your senior year you will spend here. Although I know the room belongs to the school, its décor reflects my personality and since I set most of the agenda for what goes on here, the room feels like mine and I treat it as such. I hope you will too.

I’m looking forward to sharing my room with you this year. I hope we’ll learn a great deal from each other in the time we spend together here. We’ll talk about books, about writing, about ideas, about life, and about each other. I hope you will find yourselves stimulated, challenged, and most of all, given plenty of food for thought. I know from many years' experience that we can both enjoy ourselves and learn a great deal from one another if we all approach what we do here in a spirit of cooperation and curiosity.

This is my thirty-sixth year as a teacher. I’ve been teaching so long it’s not only what I do, it’s who I am. For me, “I am a teacher” is a statement of identity as much as profession. What I do here is a big part of my life, and I hope you will be able to treat both the work and me with respect.

As an English teacher, my goals for the year are several: I want to expose you to some challenging and important writers, I want to challenge you to think carefully about what things mean, about what it is to be a human being. I want to help you write with greater clarity and precision, and I want us to talk together, in ways that count for us all, about some of the biggest, most important questions—Who are we? Why are we here? What really matters?
In order to work on these goals together, we all need to make this room a place where people can say what they think and ask each other honest questions. We must listen courteously and respectfully to each other, keep an open mind, be willing to reconsider our first impressions, and accept the responsibility of contributing to the conversation.

I believe in the importance of rituals to mark the passages in our lives. Therefore, as you enter this room for your senior year, I shake each of your hands, welcome you by name, and read you this letter. I have a similar ceremony for the last day we spend together in May. I hope the days in between will be filled with learning and growth for us all. (434)

2.0 Writing Stronger Sentences

A. Here’s the problem:
The sentence is the basic unit of expression in English. Nothing is more important to the success of your writing than your ability to create accurate, clear, meaningful sentences. Unfortunately, to adapt a phrase from Jimmy Buffett, while the sentence should be treated like a temple, some of you treat it like a tent, not giving it the respect and consideration it deserves. You write bloated, vague, garbled, or even incoherent sentences, often without realizing that you have done so.

B. What to do:
Ken Macrorie says good writing is “clear, vigorous, honest, alive, sensuous, appropriate, unsentimental, rhythmic, without pretension, fresh, metaphorical, evocative in sound, economical, authoritative, surprising, memorable, and light.” While that’s a daunting list of virtues, I hope to show you specific ways to make your sentences stronger, cleaner, and less cluttered. The following series of exercises is designed to highlight the differences between strong and weak sentences by raising your awareness of a few of the bad habits writers fall into.
C. Chapter Outline:

2.1 Weak repetition
2.2 Parallel structure
2.3 Awkward phrasing
2.4 Abstract and concrete diction
2.5 Clarity
2.6 Simplicity
2.7 Clutter I: Unnecessary words
2.8 Clutter II: More practice
2.9 Clutter III: A demonstration
2.10 Clutter IV: Pruning my own prose
2.11 Subordination

Motorcycle Macbeth

Those of us here in Scotland for Ms Keller's drama trip saw the most amazing play last night. It's official title was Macbeth: Who was that bloodied man? but I'm calling it the motorcycle Macbeth. It was performed by a Polish company who stripped the play almost completely of dialogue, condensed it to 60 minutes, and added some remarkably dramatic visual effects to bring out the central themes of the play.

For one thing, the soldiers at the beginning of the play all rode real motorcycles and fired machine guns and pistols as they simulated the opening battle scene. For another, some of the soldiers, and often the witches, were ten to twelve feet tall and walked on stilts around the stage. Not only were these stilt creatures dramatic in their movements, they also added to the eerie, supernatural aura which is so much a part of the play. Third, the play was done outdoors in the central quad of the Old College, with the audience standing. Finally there was fire and loud music used frequently for dramatic effect throughout the performance.

To condense the script, everything but the main plot was sacrificed. No Macduff, no Malcolm or Donalbain, very little dialogue (and what there was was spoken in a clear but definitely Polish-accented English). Just the battle scene, the murder of Duncan, the coronation, the murder of Banquo, the tormented consciences of Macbeth and Lady Macbeth, and their deaths. For the final battle scene, six soldiers on stilts came on stage carrying torches and twelve-foot-tall wooden posts. They moved steadily toward the castle--a metal construction in the back of the staging area--carrying these posts, giving the visual effect of Birnam Wood advancing on High Dunsinane. When the reached the castle, they set it afire--that's why it had to be made of metal, so that only the parts they wanted to burn would do so--and looking through a metal screen into the castle, the audience could see "Macbeth" catch fire and burn to death as the play ended.

What the stilts and fire and lack of dialogue and stripping of all the subplot elements did, more than anything, I thought, was to create mood. The entire performance, especially the use of the three witches, whose faces were covered with white veils throughout, gave off a sinister aura of evil walking the face of the earth.

It was one of the most unusual and imaginative and effective stagings of Shakespeare I have ever seen. We all decided that you'd pretty much have to know the original play in order for some parts of it to make sense, but if you did, it was certainly a gripping theatrical experience.

Three cheers for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival!! (459)

Summer Reading--The Road by Cormac McCarthy

Since yesterday I've been trying to figure out why Cormac McCarthy's The Road was such a remarkable reading experience. The setting of the novel—a post-apocalyptic world in which the few remaining survivors either live in terror of each other or treat others with unspeakable brutality—is one of the darkest, most terrifying premises I've ever encountered. The plot is almost nonexistent. A man and his son travel the road on foot, trying to go south to reach warmer weather and, for reasons never fully explained, to reach the sea. Along the way they search for enough food, clothing, and blankets to keep themselves alive as they continue their journey. These two are the only significant characters in the novel, and the few minor characters—a killer, a dying old man, and one or two others—appear only for a few paragraphs or brief scene. And the sadness and misery of an annihilated, ash-covered world, where all the trees and animals and most of the people are dead and where every human encounter is likely to lead to violence, makes the reading emotionally difficult. On the surface, it seems a totally depressing story.

Why, then, did the experience of reading this novel so completely captivate me? Why did I find myself re-reading some pages, slowing down to read others aloud to hear the characters voices more clearly? Why, on the third and last day of my reading, did I find myself deliberately taking reading breaks to let the feeling of the story envelop me a little longer before I finished it?

I think my answer lies in the relationship between the father and son in the story. Because McCarthy does a wonderful thing in this novel. He takes a harrowing story of physical survival and wraps it in another, even more powerful story, a story about perseverance, about hope in a hopeless world, and about a father and son's love for one another. While reading, I found myself asking why they go on, why they continue to search for a better place which they both know doesn't exist. And McCarthy's answer, implied repeatedly both in the dialogue between the two and in the father's private thoughts, is that each of them is the other's means of survival, both physically and emotionally. Without his father to feed and clothe him and keep him away from danger, the boy would be physically unable to go on. And without the boy to take care of, to give meaning and purpose to his otherwise futile, empty existence, the father would have no reason to continue. And so they go on together, constantly stopping to ask each other "how are you", to question their reasons for doing what they do, to reassure one another that everything is "okay," although, of course, it rarely is.

They succeed, I think. They maintain their belief that they are the "good guys," even when the father has to make painful decisions which upset the boy, they maintain their hope that some possible good can come out of their terrible predicament, and most of all, they continue to treat each other with remarkable tenderness and love and concern no matter the hardships they face. In a world which clearly can never come back to life, where everyone in it is doomed, it's that tenderness and love which give their existence the only meaning it can possibly have and which account for my feeling as a reader that I was under the spell of a remarkable book written by a gifted writer (591).

2.1--Weak repetition

A. Here’s the problem:
When you’re drafting a paper, you’re simultaneously trying to decide what to say and find the right words. As a result, you are often unconscious of the fact that you’ve relied far too often on a single word, often one that’s rather too general to convey much specific meaning. Alas, when I read a passage that overuses a single word, the act of reading numbs my mind and certainly makes a less favorable impression on my grading lobe.

B. What to do:
Rethink the meaning of the passage in question. The simplest way is to replace the excessive uses of one word by substituting others. The danger is that the passage winds up sounding like a thesaurus exercise. A better method is to rewrite the sentences in question using more specific words, perhaps making the passage more economical as well as less repetitive.

C. Example: Lady Catherine enforces the rules of society when she is worried about her own social safety. Austen, by showing all of these, is saying that powerful people use society to their own benefit, and that individual people force others into complying with society more than society itself. Thus society proves to be all-powerful.
Improved Version: Lady Catherine snobbishly abuses social customs and rules of etiquette to maintain her own sense of superiority. Austen’s point is that some prominent people misuse their power selfishly, using their position to intimidate others and force them to comply to socially-prescribed behaviors for the wrong reasons.

D. Now you try—write an improved version of the following passage.
1. In comparison with the other female characters in the novel, Elizabeth’s character has a more independent personality and demonstrates a more modern outlook on life. Elizabeth is like no other woman in the book because she demonstrates a great strength of independence and individualism.
One of Elizabeth’s most noticeable features is her need for independence. Elizabeth’s independence is what some characters find to be most disgraceful and what others find to be very attractive. A perfect scene that shows the difference of opinion about her independence is the scene where Elizabeth goes to visit her ill sister.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following source:
Ken Macrorie, Writing to be Read (3rd ed.) pp. 75-79 is my favorite on this topic.

2.2--Parallel Structure

A. Here’s the problem:
Sometimes you don’t apply what you’ve been taught about parallel structure in your sentences. You’re trying to explain a complex idea and occasionally get tangled up in your own words, forgetting to make the parts of your sentence connect to each other smoothly. As a result, your writing is harder to read, your ideas harder to follow, and your sentences lose their rhythm and their clear, natural voice.

B. What to do:
Read your sentences aloud during revision. Your ear is one of your best revision tools, but not enough of you think about how your sentences sound as well as what they say. Proper parallel structure is one way to make your sentences sound better. Since I read every essay trying to hear the sentences in my head as I read, good-sounding sentences make a stronger impression. Example: “Archer recognizes both the validity and the vacuity of the doomed elite to which he belongs, and can neither fully reconcile himself to the old values nor act decisively according to alternative ones.”

C. Example: This confusion of the heart started back when Lizzy first saw Darcy at a ball to the moment they agreed to be wed in Longbourne gardens.
Corrected Version: This confusion of the heart began when Lizzy first saw Darcy at a ball and ended the moment they agreed to be wed in Longbourne gardens.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Mr. Darcy was told what most other people thought of him, completely destroying everything that he considered to be proper and a compliment.
2. Not only does Mr. Darcy show his pride to Elizabeth, but also Lady Catherine, Darcy’s aunt, by bragging and threatening Elizabeth.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
Strunk & White, pp. 26-28; also http://www.bartleby.com/141/
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/parallelism.htm

2.3--Awkward phrasing

A. Here’s the problem:
Readers don’t like to be confused. Some of you think the authors we study try to confuse you, but I’m not talking about the literary uses of ambiguity. I’m referring to expository prose; when you explain and support ideas, any awkwardly phrased sentence that prevents you from communicating those ideas clearly and accurately makes your writing less effective.

B. What to do:
Be more honest with your editing partners. Instead of saying only “it’s good” or nit-picking for the sake of criticizing, tell each other which sentences are worded in such a way that their meaning isn’t coming through. Also, as with other topics in this chapter, read each other’s sentences aloud to pick up awkward-sounding phrases and sentences.

C. Example: Elizabeth’s father is the strongest, quietest, and wisest in the book, of whom, Eliza takes after the most.
Corrected Version: Elizabeth’s father is the strongest, quietest, and wisest character in the book, the parent Eliza takes after the most.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Austen illustrates her attitude of the ability to free onself from the chains of conformity and custom.
2. This scene is ironic because seeing as how Lady Catherine is supposed to be a figure of high regard, she is acting far worse than someone of a lower status.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following source:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/confusion.htm (a good discussion of many sources of confusion and their remedies)

2.4--Abstract and Concrete Diction

A. Here’s the problem:
The words you choose have enormous impact on the quality of your writing. Relying on general, vague, or abstract words—especially nouns—makes your writing less specific and therefore less convincing. In more extreme cases, abstract words make your writing seem dishonest, as though you’re pretending to grand ideas and important statements when in fact you don’t quite know what you mean to say.

B. What to do:
Look at the section on vagueness and ambiguity in the link below. Make yourself aware of the difference between abstract (general) nouns and concrete (specific) nouns. In your writing, whenever you use an abstract noun, ask yourself if a more specific concrete noun could be substituted. The results are worth the effort.

C. Example: The dynamic nature of Darcy is interesting—his negative qualities are equaled only by his positive qualities.
Corrected Version: Darcy’s personality is complex, his pride and aloofness balanced by his intelligence and loyalty.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. The novel emphasizes the demanding expectations of society and how those expectations influence the characters’ personalities. The reader gains an understanding of the social world these characters live in and how it has impacted who they have become.
2. Lady Catherine’s antics express such an intellectual abstraction that they destroy the tenability of the superficial values altogether, thereby causing a reevaluation of the situation. (I defy you to decipher this writer’s meaning.)
3. This relationship furthers Citibank's efforts towards catalyzing the electronic bill payment space (this gem sent to me by a friend in the banking industry who’s also trying to figure out what it means).

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
http://mywebpages.comcast.net/tgeorges/write/les11.htm
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/abstract.htm
Strunk & White, pp. 21-23

2.5--Clarity

A. Here’s the problem:
If there is one temple of writing at which I worship above all others, it is at the altar of clarity. My head hurts when I read sentences whose meanings aren’t clear, while my blood races just a little faster when I read sentences which ring in my mind as clear as bells. Think of it this way. The goal of good writing isn’t to write clearly enough to make your meaning understood; it’s to write so clearly that your meaning can’t be misunderstood. Strunk and White put the matter succinctly: “When you say something, make sure you have said it” (80).

B. What to do:
You must become the sworn enemy of confusion, ambiguity, and murk in your writing. You must root them out relentlessly and destroy them ruthlessly. Murk is an infectious disease; don’t let yourself catch it. Break longer sentences in two; replace gibberish with meaning; use more precise words; drag yourself out of the quicksand of unrestrained subordinate clauses.

C. Example: Mr. Bennet greatly respects Elizabeth’s views on love and marriage, rather than his wife, who is disappointed in her daughter’s lack of the traditional role of women and marriage.
Corrected Version: Mr. Bennet greatly respects Elizabeth’s views on love and marriage; Mrs. Bennet, on the other hand, is disappointed in her daughter’s disregard of the traditional role of women and marriage.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. She realized she was wrong about him and the irony of how she had treted him.
2. I do not know why Darcy would still be in love with Elizabeth after the rejection, because he loved her so much I hoped that Darcy would change his upper class ways.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following source:
Strunk & White, pp. 79-80

2.5.1--George Orwell's principles

It is better to put off using words as long as possible and get one’s meaning as clear as one can through pictures or sensations. Afterwards one can choose—not simply accept—the phrases that will best cover the meaning, and then switch round and decide what impression one’s words are likely to make on another person. This last effort of the mind cuts out all stale or mixed images, all prefabricated phrases, needless repetitions, and humbug and vagueness generally. But one can often be in doubt about the effect of a word or a phrase, and one needs rules that one can rely on when instinct fails. I think the following rules will cover most cases:

(i) Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.

(ii) Never use a long word where a short one will do.

(iii) If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.

(iv) Never use the passive where you can use the active.

(v) Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.

(vi) Break any of these rules sooner than say anything outright barbarous.

2.6--Simplify, simplify, simplify

A. Here’s the problem:
Thoreau’s maxim, “simplify, simplify, simplify” referred to how he thought humans could live more meaningful lives. But the same philosophy applies to writing, where simpler is generally better, at least in terms of style. Unfortunately, we sometimes get the notion that fancy words and unnecessarily complicated sentences are more impressive, more intellectual-sounding, than simple, straightforward assertions of ideas. They’re not.

B. What to do:
Strunk and White: “Rich, ornate prose is hard to digest, generally unwholesome, and sometimes nauseating” (72). Try to eliminate not only the pretentious and vague language we’ve looked at earlier but also the elaborate, convoluted sentences that obscure your meaning and make the reader’s job more difficult.

C. Example: Austen seems to feel her society may be foolish but it is generally harmless except for in this one instance it could have destroyed the Bennet family except for the fact that Darcy luckily saved them by convincing the two to get married and anything else people might have heard could be denied.
Corrected Version: Austen’s society may be foolish, but it is generally harmless. In one case, however, scandal could have destroyed the Bennet family; luckily, Darcy saved them by convincing Lydia and Wickham to marry. After that, anything people might have heard could be denied.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Newland’s wife, May Welland, is the perfect woman of the time as she may know Newland is in love with Ellen, but refuses to act on the content of her beliefs and instead steadily acts as an ignorant wife.
2. The third volume of the novel reconciles the antithesis of pride and prejudice through symbolic scenes that force a psychological change in the minds of the two protagonists—a change that overcomes conventional wisdom and affirms true human values that make Elizabeth and Darcy Platonic [sic] peers.
E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
Strunk & White, pp. 72, 76-8
Zinsser, pp. 7-12

2.7--Clutter I: Verbiage gone wild

A. Here’s the problem:
This is one of my top three lessons for you to practice. Writers learning their craft waste words. It’s as simple as that. You fill sentence after sentence, paragraph after paragraph, with unnecessary verbiage. Sometimes you’re trying to camouflage the fact that you haven’t quite decided what you want to say. Sometimes you can’t quite find the best way to say what you mean. You’re surrounded by a culture that wastes words and obscures meanings. You’ve fallen into some bad habits that need to be rooted out like weeds in the garden.

B. What to do:
William Zinsser says, “the secret of good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components.” This piece of advice means as much to me as anything I’ve ever learned about writing. Go through your sentences bracketing words that add no meaning. Remove who, which, that, and thing whenever possible. Turn verb phrases into simple, present tense verbs. Cut down on adjectives and adverbs. Once you cultivate the habit of pruning your prose, you’ll find many ways to improve your writing.

C. Example: [In] Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, [Jane Austen creates somewhat of a mockery] of 19th century customs,[ manners, and general lifestyle].
Corrected Version: Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice satirizes many nineteenth-century customs.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Jane Austen specifically focuses the majority of her novel on the issue of the consent of marriage.
2. Austen’s realism creates England to be portrayed as a place concerned with stature and wealth.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
Zinsser, pp. 13-19
Strunk & White, pp. 23-25

2.8--Clutter II: More practice

A. Here’s the problem:
Once just isn’t enough. Clutter is such an insidious disease nearly everyone catches it. It’s a creeping blight that destroys whatever is true, original, thoughtful, or beautiful in our writing. So we have to follow the advice of the New York cabdriver, who, when asked by another driver stopped at a light, “how do I get to Carnegie Hall,” replied, “practice, practice, practice.”

B. What to do:
According to Strunk, “Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all his sentences short, or that he avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.” Keep looking for ways to eliminate the clutter in your sentences. You can’t do yourself any higher favors as a writer-in-training.

C. Example: At the top of the pyramid of social acceptability is one elite family, which in The Age of Innocence is the Van der Luydens.
Corrected Version: In The Age of Innocence, the Van der Luydens stand at the top of the social pyramid.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. The letter was the turning point in the novel, it was the point that would lead to all other emotions, it was pivotal.
2. Because Elizabeth was such a liberal-minded thinker, she was able to formulate her own personal belief system relating to what a marriage should be.
3. The novel, in essence, is able to accurately explore the nature of British society in the early nineteenth century by portraying a comedy in which the characters must overcome pre-judgment and discover the truth about one another while still remaining within their social and societal bounds.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
Macrorie, pp. 34-40
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm (excellent lists)

2.9--Clutter III: A demonstration

A. Here’s the problem:
The following passage, describing a family of deer taking water, contains some good images but is cluttered with unnecessary words.

B. What to do:
Use the technique of bracketing surplus verbiage to help create more concise writing.

Original Version:
The male is standing slightly behind the other two as if he were protecting them. His head held high in the air with his antlers looking like a giant maze on top of his head. He is amazing with his giant chest covered in snow-white fur adding a perfect contrast to his light brown body. In front of him is the female. Her head is held down as she gently sips the water from the crystal clear stream. She has a much smaller body, but her delicate look makes her beautiful in her own way. Next to her is another deer. Smaller in size appearing to be their young. It is a male deer because he has just started to grow some antlers himself. I see a smooth rock just to my left and take a seat as quietly as possible making sure not to disturb this serene moment in time. I look down to make sure that I do not step on a twig that has hidden itself in the tall, green grass.

Clutter bracketed:
The male [is standing] slightly behind the other two, [as if he were] protecting them, [H]is head held high [in the air] with [his] antlers [looking] like a giant maze on [top of his head]. He is amazing, [with] his giant chest covered in snow-white fur [adding] a perfect [contrast] to his light brown body. In front of him is the female[.] [H]er head [is held] down as she [gently] sips [the water] from the crystal clear stream. She has a much smaller body, [but] her delicate look [makes her] beautiful in [her] own way. Next to her is another deer[.] [S]maller in size [appearing to be] their young. [It is a] male, [deer because] he has just started to grow [some] antlers himself. I see a smooth rock [just] to my left and take a seat [as] quietly, [as possible] making sure not to disturb this serene moment [in time]. I look down to make sure [that] I do not step on a twig [that has] hidden [itself] in the tall, green grass.

Corrected Version:

The male stands slightly behind the other two, protecting them, his head held high with antlers like a giant maze. He is amazing, his giant chest covered in snow-white fur contrasting perfectly with his light brown body. In front of him is the female, her head down as she sips from the crystal clear stream. She has a much smaller body, her delicate look beautiful in its own way. Next to her is another deer, even smaller in size, apparently their young. A male, he has just started to grow antlers himself. I see a smooth rock to my left and take a seat quietly, making sure not to disturb this serene moment. I look down to make sure I do not step on a twig hidden in the tall, green grass.

2.10--Clutter IV: I Edit Myself

A. Here’s the problem:
Before I leave the topic of clutter, I want to make clear that writing cluttered prose isn’t a phase like bad skin or braces, something you’ll grow out of as you leave adolescence behind. It’s a problem you should deal with constantly, an awareness I hope you will carry with you the rest of your lives. Pruning my prose, weeding the surplus verbiage that can choke otherwise healthy sentences, is something I do to every sentence I write. And I always will.

B. What to do:
Here are some samples from this text, sentences I wrote then attempted to improve by trimming unnecessary words. My goal is always the same—to help the reader follow the path of my thoughts more easily by cutting back the jungle of unwanted growth. For each pair below, the first—O—is my original sentence, the second—R—the revised version as it appears in this text.

O. I want to provide both print and internet resources for all topics, so you can get further instruction in individual areas where you need additional work.
R. I will provide additional print and internet resources so you receive further instruction in individual areas.

O. . . .tell each other which sentences are worded in such a way that their meaning isn’t coming through.
R. . . .tell each other which sentences are poorly worded.

O. All these strategies take time, so they all require you to begin early and break your essay writing down into a process:
R. These strategies take time, so you must begin early and divide your work into stages:

O. . . . culled examples of these errors from papers I’ve collected over the years, and written a series of exercises designed to accomplish several goals.
R. . . . culled examples of these errors from papers I’ve collected, and designed a series of exercises to accomplish several goals.

O. No real emotion is ever openly expressed, merely hinted at indirectly so that it be understood and responded to without ever being acknowledged for what it is. As a result, this socially prescribed, highly symbolic behavior stifles the characters’ emotional lives, gradually turns them into dishonest people, and even strips them of their essential humanity.
R. No direct emotion is ever expressed, merely hinted at so it can be responded to without being acknowledged. As a result, this socially prescribed code stifles characters’ emotional lives, gradually makes them dishonest, and eventually strips them of their humanity.

2.11--The beauty, perfection, and symmetry of the subordinating conjunction!

A. Here’s the problem:
Beware—this is an advanced lesson and contains some technical grammar terms. But don’t be intimidated, since the basic idea isn’t that difficult. Not all the information or ideas in a sentence are of equal importance. But if the only conjunctions you use are and, but, and or, you fail to suggest the relative emphasis of the ideas you’re stating. Compound sentences are useful, just as simple sentences are, but at times you need to place emphasis where it belongs by subordinating one part of a sentence to another.

B. What to do:
Many of you overuse relative clauses—those beginning with who, which, and especially that—but don’t use enough subordinate adverbial clauses. The best way to solve the problem is to use an appropriate subordinating conjunction, either at the beginning of the sentence, at the end of the main clause, or between two sentences to combine them. You probably memorized these conjunctions once—although, since, because, if, unless, while, as, and others—but you need to train yourself to use the right one for the situation at hand.

C. Example: Austen is not as critical as Wharton. Austen shows that social conventions can interfere and get in the way of relationships.
Corrected Version: While Austen is not as critical as Wharton, she shows that social conventions can interfere with relationships.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Elizabeth reads Darcy’s letter of explanation, she retains a “strong prejudice against every thing he might say.”
2. She realizes that she may have been in the wrong and her sense of pride is replaced by “astonishment, apprehension, and even horror.”

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/conjunctions.htm#subordinating_conjunctions
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/clauses.htm

1.0--On Things Grammatical

A. Here’s the problem:
Those of you who attended ninth grade at PCDS received one of the most thorough groundings in English language, grammar, and usage known to Western civilization. You were drilled—even if at times that drill may have felt like a three-eighths inch cordless variable speed Black & Decker—in all the fundamentals and now, fortunately, you couldn’t forget them even if you tried. They’re with you the rest of your life.

That’s the good news. The bad news is that a few of you didn’t quite get it all stored in long-term memory the first time. Also, being seventeen-and-a-half and having many things besides English grammar on your minds, you get a little careless from time to time and forget to apply what you already know. Thus problems arise, since as an English teacher, my eyes are highly trained by thirty years of reading student essays. I find errors in grammar with a keenness of vision exceeded only by a hawk circling the sky searching for the field mouse which will be its mid-morning snack. I have about as much compassion as the hawk, too. In my system of values, no paper containing basic grammatical mistakes is eligible for a high grade.

B. What to do:
Train yourself to read your drafts with hawks’ eyes. Write the draft twenty-four hours before editing; you’ll have a better chance of seeing what it says rather than what you meant to say. Read it aloud, sentence by sentence, slowly, forcing yourself to slow down to a speed that lets you see what’s really there. Always trade drafts with a partner and help each other reduce the number of what the tennis players call unforced errors.

All these strategies take time, so they all require you to begin early and break your essay writing down into a process: draft, rest, edit for content, rest, edit for style, rest, proofread for mechanics, and if possible repeat the last five steps again. Many of you won’t always have or take the time to be so meticulous about your work, but learning what to look for and putting in the time are essential steps toward making yourself a better writer.

C. Chapter Outline

1.1 Subject-verb agreement
1.2 Verb tenses
1.3 Pronoun agreement
1.4 Vague pronouns
1.5 Possessive pronouns
1.6 Comma splices
1.7 Passive voice
1.8 Dashes
1.9 No excuses, no mercy

1.1--Subject-Verb Agreement

A. Here’s the problem:
You’ve been taught these rules a few dozen times, and you know they’re not that difficult, but sometimes you get careless. Either you forget to proofread carefully or, more often, your sentences contain compound subjects or phrases between the subject and verb that temporarily blind you to the real subject-verb agreement.

B. What to do:
As you revise your essays, look carefully at sentences to make certain whether the grammatical subject of each clause is singular or plural. More importantly, make sure you’re looking at the true subject, not a word in a prepositional phrase.

C. Example: Mr. Darcy’s pride and his aloof nature prevents him from meeting and understanding Elizabeth. . .
Corrected Version: Mr. Darcy’s pride and his aloof nature prevent him from meeting and understanding Elizabeth. . .

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Jane Austen’s novel, as well as her many others, have been and continue to be enjoyed by many.
2. Elizabeth’s response to Mr. Darcy and Lady Catherine are two of the best scenes in the novel because they illustrate her heroism.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sv_agr.htm
Strunk & White, pp. 9-11 (available at http://www.bartleby.com/141/)

1.2--Verb Tenses

A. Here’s the problem:
There are lots of ways you can run into problems with verb tenses, but there’s one I get particularly tired of marking: passages that flip-flop between present and past tenses with nary a hint of rhyme or reason. It’s mostly a sin of omission—the writer probably knows the difference between the two but forgets or simply doesn’t bother to check.

B. What to do:
Especially when writing about literature, pick a basic tense and stick with it. Either present or past will do, although I recommend present. Stick to your basic tense in your draft, then check for any inconsistencies during revision.

C. Example: When Elizabeth refused Darcy’s proposal, the reader feels she is right in doing so.
Corrected Version: When Elizabeth refuses Darcy’s proposal, the reader feels she is right in doing so.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Darcy was completely rude to Elizabeth; therefore, she and the rest of the neighborhood begin to dislike him.
2. Mrs. Reynolds described Darcy as “generous-hearted.” Elizabeth then encounters Mr. Darcy at his estate.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
Strunk & White, pp. 31-32 (http://www.bartleby.com/141/ )
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sequence.htm

1.3--Pronouns I: Agreement

A. Here’s the problem:
It’s remarkably easy to be careless about pronoun-antecedent agreement, but few writing errors short of rampant sentence fragments or failure to spell-check are more revealing of a paper that was turned in without being carefully proofread. Those of you who aren’t detail people sometimes have the toughest time with this one.

B. What to do:
Check and double-check. Check with an editing partner. Make sure singular antecedents get singular pronouns. Same with plural. You know the rules; it’s just a matter of finding the mistakes and fixing them when you revise.

C. Example: Several marriages are presented in the novel, each with their own conflict and each with their own purpose.
Corrected Version: Several marriages are presented in the novel, each with its own conflict and each with its own purpose.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. When an author writes a novel, they labor over the right word to use to describe the person, place, situation, or thing in the novel.
2. Each of these marriages have their own ironies and each strongly contrast to the others.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following source:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/pronouns.htm

1.4--Pronouns II (Vague)

A. Here’s the problem:
When you write about literature, you’re trying to come up with ideas, draw conclusions, say important things. Unfortunately, you sometimes cut corners, using demonstratives—this, that, these, and those—to refer to complete sentences or to ideas previously stated. This won’t do.

B. What to do:
Your writing will be more precise if you simply avoid using the four demonstratives as pronouns and either use them as adjectives or recast the sentence to eliminate them. They do have appropriate uses as pronouns—otherwise they wouldn’t be listed as such—but for our purposes they’re better off as adjectives or omitted altogether.

C. Example: Mr. Darcy is not as horrible as first expected. This is shown when he stands up for Elizabeth, commenting about her eyes.
Corrected Version: Mr. Darcy is not as horrible as first expected. We begin to like him when he stands up for Elizabeth, commenting about her eyes.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Elizabeth looks at the mind instead of the money. She demonstrates this particularly well in her conversation with Lady Catherine.
2. She stands firm in her belief, respecting people for intelligence rather than wealth; She earns my respect in doing this because . . .

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_pronuse.html

1.5--Pronouns III: Possessives

A. Here’s the problem:
Correct formation of possessive nouns—‘s for single possessive, s’ for plural possessive—stays in the no excuses, no mercy category. But two other possessive rules deserve quick mention here because they pop up like unwanted weeds in your writing.

B. What to do:
1. Its is a possessive pronoun, referring to some quality or property belonging to it; it’s is a contraction meaning “it is.” Possessive personal pronouns don’t take apostrophes; contractions do.
2. A pronoun before a gerund is in the possessive case.

C. Example: When Mr. Bingley spoke of his four to five thousand pounds a year, Mrs. Bennet thought of him marrying one of her daughters.
Corrected Version: When Mr. Bingley spoke of his four to five thousand pounds a year, Mrs. Bennet thought of his marrying one of her daughters.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Mother objected to us driving on the icy roads.
2. She understands how marriage was dictated by her setting and its idea that the union between a man and a woman existed primarily to better one’s status in life.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
Strunk & White, p. 12 or http://www.bartleby.com/141/ http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/gerunds.htm#possessive

1.6--Comma Splices

A. Here’s the problem:
You’ll find the run-on sentence in my list of “no excuses, no mercy” items at the end of this section. But the run-on has a first cousin—the comma splice—which is a constant thorn in my side when I’m correcting papers. Essentially the problem occurs whenever you fuse (“splice”) two independent clauses with only a comma. They’re much too common among high school writers, and my goal for this page is to take a giant step toward eradicating these writing demons.

B. What to do:
The problem has three basic solutions. If the two clauses are closely related in meaning and joined by a conjunctive adverb, replace the comma with a semicolon. Adding a subordinating or coordinating conjunction may also rescue you from the mire. More frequently, your writing will be clearer, cleaner, and more fluid if you separate the comma splice into two sentences.

C. Example: Because of his wealth, Mr. Collins finds himself to be a perfect match for any bachelorette, ironically, it is his pride that makes him unattractive to Elizabeth and the reader.

Corrected Version: Because of his wealth, Mr. Collins finds himself to be a perfect match for any bachelorette; ironically, it is his pride that makes him unattractive to Elizabeth and the reader.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.

1. Mr. Collins is absurd and his life seems a waste, he senselessly follows the orders of Lady Catherine.
2. Sadly, Elizabeth’s parents cannot agree with her decision, her mother will never see her again if she does not accept the marriage, while her father also will never see her again if she does marry Collins (see also section 2.1, concise sentences)
E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_commaproof.html

1.7--Passive Voice

A. Here’s the problem:
Where do I start? Passive voice is weaker than active, it clouds the issue of exactly who is performing the action of the verb, it’s used by people who want to be deliberately vague or evade responsibility—“mistakes were made”—and most of the time it sounds awkward. It is used legitimately only when the origin of the action is unknown or when a writer wishes to deliberately shift emphasis (e.g. in “The Hawaiian Islands were first visited by Captain Cook,” the focus is on the islands’ history).

B. What to do:
Ninety-eight percent of the time, simply rewrite the sentence in the active voice.

C. Example: The letter that was written by Darcy and given to Elizabeth the next day explained all his supposed cruelties and showed him in a better light.
Corrected Version: Darcy wrote a letter and gave it to Elizabeth the next day, explaining all his supposed cruelties and showing himself in a better light.

D. Now you try—write corrected versions of the following sentences.
1. Much time was spent together and Darcy’s love grew, he was infatuated.
2. But I still had my faith that this love would arise and happiness would be instilled.
E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/passive.htm (includes a quiz)
Strunk & White, pp. 18-19 (http://www.bartleby.com/141/ )

1.8--Dashes

A. Here’s the problem:
Dashes are without doubt my favorite marks of punctuation—they’re remarkably versative and allow me to insert one thought inside another—but few of you have any clue how to use them.

B. What to do:
I quote Strunk & White (9): “Use a dash to set off an abrupt break or interruption, and to announce a long appositive or summary. A dash is. . . stronger than a comma, less formal than a colon, and more relaxed than parentheses.” (N.B. To make a dash, type option-shift-hyphen with no spaces before or after.)

C. Example: Wharton’s New York is a place where pretending to be a model of rectitude (i.e. Lawrence Lefferts, etc) gives one the power to condemn.

Corrected Version: Wharton’s New York is a place where pretending to be a model of rectitude—Lawrence Lefferts is one example—gives one the power to condemn.

D. Now you try—write a corrected version of the following sentence.
1. Darcy’s love for Elizabeth despite her lower standing illuminates another part of Darcy’s character; his desire for a companion of both equality and beauty, regardless of wealth.

E. For more information or additional practice, check the following sources:
Strunk & White, p. 9 (http://www.bartleby.com/141/ )
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/dash.htm

F. Finally, here are two all-too-infrequent uses of dashes from students’ papers.

1. Darcy is the last person she would consider marrying, but her response is—to modern sensibilities, at least—relatively mild.
2. Archer’s last decision—to hold his relationship with Ellen only as a memory—is perhaps Wharton’s final comment on the power of his world.

1.9--No Excuses, No Mercy

A. Here’s the problem:
The thought of a high school senior carelessly making errors a conscientious fifth grader would be ashamed of appalls me. Either the writer is too lazy to find and correct these mistakes in revision or has difficulty with attention to detail and simply doesn’t see the mistake. The more of these basic errors I mark, the more I clench my teeth, narrow my eyes, and resolve to make the writer pay for my annoyance—and my headache—when I get around to assigning the essay a grade.

B. What to do:
Don’t let it happen to you. Revise your essays once for content and once for style, and make proofreading a completely separate step. If you genuinely can’t do a good job finding proofreading errors, work with a partner who’s better at it than you are. Or check your essay sentence by sentence starting at the end. A partial list of total no-no’s includes at least the following:
-- Failure to spell check
-- Sentence fragments and run-ons
-- Ignoring basic comma rules (compounds sentences, series, etc)
-- To/too, then/than, their/there/they’re, who’s/whose, your/you’re, affect/effect etc.
-- Writing things that simply don’t make sense

C. Examples (PCDS seniors wrote these sentences; I swear I’m not making this up):
-- Mrs. Bennet wanted her daughters married well so that there future would be better then it was going to be.
-- Elizabeth had two other men, William Collins and George Wickham, in her life and still succeed in being single and marring Darcy.
-- The only ill affected people are Lydia who pretty much deserved what she got and Charlotte Lucas who at least seems to be coping with her marriage to Mr. Collins.
-- Its message is no less powerful then that of the other novel.
-- Mr. Bennet is not only one of the most humorous characters in the book but is also a stalk character.
-- Yet, of all the different scenes that take place, it is perhaps the people who are most the inner-most parts of Jane Austin’s mind.
-- Elizabeth does not directly ask Darcy weather Wickham’s allegations were true.
-- The way that none of the ridiculous characters in Pride and Prejudice are aware of their own absurdity.
-- Such social gatherings as these present times when new characters are introduced and the first impressions, which are so very important to this novel, are made.

Your class blog

The primary forum for written work is your blog. You are required to post weekly blog entries relating to the literature studied in the classroom. Your blogs will receive a grade, accounting for 30% of each quarter’s grade. Blogs should be as long as they need to be to say what you have to say about some aspect of that week's reading, but a good guideline is 500 words, more if you discover you have a lot to say on a topic. I will not, however, grade primarily by length; rather, quantity will be the least important of four criteria, after regularity of entries, style, and, most importantly, originality of content. Instructions about creating and posting blog entries may be found on my blog at mrcoonsenglish.blogspot.com.

Occasionally I will ask you to respond to particular prompts or questions on my blog, but often there is no set topic for your weekly entries. Rather, I ask you to find an element of the assigned reading that interests you and discuss it thoughtfully. This comment may take many forms, a few of which are suggested here:
• Discuss a character’s actions, words, personality, moral values, or humanity.
• Comment on the writer’s style, use of language, tone, irony, or imagery.
• Consider a topic or idea raised in class discussion, trying to go beyond what has already been stated.
• Raise and discuss a question about the text under consideration.
• Discuss the importance or meaning of a key passage or scene from the reading.
• For longer works, show how a scene or passage develops a theme or pattern identified in class.
• Make a comparison between a scene, character, or idea from the literature and something from another source or from your own experience
• Use an idea from my blog or from that of one of your classmates as a point of departure for your response.
• Locate relevant research material on the web, post a link to the site on your blog, and discuss your choice.

In all cases, your goals are to demonstrate close, careful reading of assigned texts, challenge yourself to creative, original thinking, write in an honest, authentic voice, and develop your fluency as a writer. Several times each semester, I will ask you to revise a blog entry, either expanding it, making its content more specific, or improving its focus, style, or organization. These revised entries will be submitted to me as hard copies and graded separately from your blogs as papers. Your papers will account for another 30% of your grade (419).

How are writing and playing music similar?

"Whether in music or in fiction, the most basic thing is rhythm. Your style needs to have good, natural, steady rhythm, or people won’t keep reading your work. I learned the importance of rhythm from music — and mainly from jazz. Next comes melody — which, in literature, means the appropriate arrangement of the words to match the rhythm. If the way the words fit the rhythm is smooth and beautiful, you can’t ask for anything more. Next is harmony — the internal mental sounds that support the words. Then comes the part I like best: free improvisation. Through some special channel, the story comes welling out freely from inside. All I have to do is get into the flow. Finally comes what may be the most important thing: that high you experience upon completing a work — upon ending your “performance” and feeling you have succeeded in reaching a place that is new and meaningful. And if all goes well, you get to share that sense of elevation with your readers (your audience). That is a marvelous culmination that can be achieved in no other way."

--Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami. Read the entire essay in the New York Times Book Review